


Stars in the Dark

by Zoisite Ruby (andadobeslabs)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Drinking to Cope, Dubious Morality, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood Spoilers, First Time, Implied Zenos/WoL, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, One-Sided Relationship, Politics, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Possibly Unreliable Narrator, Power Dynamics, Power Play, Rescue Missions, Stockholm Syndrome, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:02:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andadobeslabs/pseuds/Zoisite%20Ruby
Summary: Alisaie may have saved Hien and prevented another Garlean takeover in Doma, but she may have lost a piece of herself in the process.Takes place at some point after 4.0. Tags will be added as they become relevant. The archive warnings apply for Chapters 2+ and are mostly to be safe.





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut so I apologize if it's completely horrible. This first chapter could technically stand on it's own. Worth pointing out, Alisaie is 20 here.

“There’s no need to accompany me back.” Alisaie reminds Lyse as they board the ferry between Limsa Lominsa and Vesper Bay. Alisaie could have teleported to Horizon, but frankly, she’s too exhausted from their travels to do so reliably. Plus she has every intention of taking advantage of the downtime to catch up on her sleep. Alisaie finds a nice quiet corner of the deck and sits cross legged, leaning against a crate.

“Don’t mention it.” The blonde pugilist stretches dramatically and joins the Elezen on the ground. The two of them have done a good amount of sleeping around each other over the course of their travels. “’s my pleasure.” Lyse yawns and rests her head on her companion’s shoulder, who is too tired herself to protest, as embarrassing as Lyse’s shameless display of comfort is.

They’re awoken by the arrival horn when they finally approach the bay. Alisaie is surprised, but relieved, that her nap left her feeling refreshed rather than groggy. Lyse, on the other hand, looked perfectly content to stay curled up in the dark space between Alisaie and the shipping crate. The newfound energy completely changes Alisaie’s body language, excited to be home rather than exhausted, and she practically skips to the Waking Sands.

Alisaie feels a warmth spread through her at the sight of Urianger asleep face down in a pile of parchment when they walk inside.

Lyse whispers with a chuckle, “You don’t suppose he stayed up for us?”

He stirs at that, Lyse’s whisper more of a stage whisper than something truly discreet. As he returns to consciousness, he quickly straightens himself out, attempting to sound formal through a deceptive yawn. “Thou hast returned.” His eyewear had slid to his forehead in his sleep, leaving an entertaining (or adorable, Alisaie thought) indentation in his face and leaving his eyes unguarded.

The warmth previously mentioned escalates into burning when she notices how Urianger gazes at her where she stands.

“I suppose I should head out, then,” Lyse notes, a bit sadly. 

“There’s plenty of rooms if you wish to stay.” Alisaie offers, but Lyse and Urianger both shake their heads at that.

“Ala Mhigo has been without its savior for too long,” Urianger argues, and Lyse nods in agreement.

“Exactly.” Lyse smiles warmly at the younger woman and pulls her into a hug, prompting Alisaie’s cheeks to redden. “I’ll see you around, alright? Come visit me when you can.”

Alisaie nods at that, breathing deeply and hugging back tightly.

Urianger clears his throat, and Alisaie pulls away, chuckling to herself. She has never seen him behave jealously before.

Lyse takes the cue to leave, surrounding herself with blue light and warbling out of sight.

Once she’s gone, Alisaie heads downstairs, towards her and Urianger’s room. While she attempts to look around for a change of clothes, Urianger hugs her from behind, wrapping his hands around her waist and kissing her on the neck. “I’m filthy.” She observes, and he shakes his head in disagreement. “May I at least bathe before you ravish me?” She half jokes and spins around, kissing him quickly on the lips.

When she looks up at him with a fond smile, her hair messy and her face just a bit smeared with dirt, his knees go weak. He reluctantly agrees anyway.

She grabs some nightclothes and heads towards the baths with little haste. She had been without a proper bath in almost a moon, having to settle for rinsing herself in the ocean when she was able.

She practically loses herself in the smell of real soap. The feeling of dirt and oil leaving her skin as she scrubs at its surface with a rag is heavenly. In more ways than one, washing away the side effects of her ‘adventure’ made her feel like herself again. When she leaves the water, she stops to look at herself in a mirror. She doesn’t particularly recognize the woman staring back at her, but she decides to put away her anxieties for the night. She needs to be all there for Urianger; there was no point in worrying him too.

When she returns, she’s surprised to find the room looking little like it had when she left. In addition to generally picking the place up, Urianger had also lit small candles on almost every solid surface, casting a pleasant glow.

She rustles her fingers through her wet hair, trying to detangle it as much as possible without a comb before joining him on the bed. “If I didn’t know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me.”

“Would it be so surprising?” He asks self deprecatingly and grasps her hand with his. He runs his thumb along her palm as he turns to face her directly, allowing his eyes to give away his vulnerability as he spoke.

“Are you serious?”Alisaie asks with both hope and fear. He closes the distance between them to press his lips against hers hungrily. Not knowing what to do with her free hand, she allows it to roam his upper arm as they kiss. “Why the change of heart?” She asks as she pulls away breathless.

The expression on Urianger's face is somewhat alien to her, a combination of lust and desperation that she hardly associated with him. He pauses to craft his response thoughtfully, “Conceit of thee disappearing ere I made the depths of mine own feelings known.”

“Isn’t that sentimental.” She observed, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him for his effort. “That you love me has never been a question, though, you fool.”

“Regardless,” His voice lowers, “Indulge me.”

He cautiously caresses her outer hip, and she sighs at his touch.

“Of course." She whispers and leans back, pulling him over her on their bed and crashing their lips together. They had rarely done anything more risqué atop their bed then sleep together in the literal sense. Some of their more heated kissings had escalated to wandering hands and intentional stroking, though always at Alisaie’s behest and never going past him indulging her when she had been desperate for release.

When he takes a break from kissing her, she gets to work undoing the buttons on her nightshirt painfully slowly. She discards the top with no urgency, blushing when he looks upon her. Candle light does little to hide any of her perceived imperfections. To silence her insecurities, he presses his lips against her collarbone. She sighs at the sensation of his tongue against her skin, wetting it before he sucks it between his teeth, marking her by bringing her blood closer to the surface.

She may have thought herself lanky and unfeminine, but Urianger made a point to appreciate her curves with his actions, caressing the dip of her waist and kissing down her chest. She stiffens beneath his tongue, arching her back and breathing harder as he takes her nipple into his mouth.

When he looks up at her, she’s watching him intently, sucking on her lower lip and running her fingers through his hair. He wants to memorize this moment, of her eyes half lidded and a distinct blush across her face and ears and breasts.

He plants kisses from said breasts back to her parted mouth, strategically moving his knee between her legs, causing her to moan lightly from the touch. She pulls at his robe, and he obliges, removing his garment in a hurry, leaving only an undershirt and his trousers between her and his bare skin.

She allows her fingers to explore underneath his shirt as his tongue explores her mouth, his flesh a lot softer than hers had been, belying his profession as a scholar rather than a warrior. But it is him all the same, and she wants to feel every bit of it.

She finds herself rapidly losing self-control and pushes against his knee, rocking her hips up to the main point of contact between her legs. She pants loudly in his ear, alerting him to how aroused she is, grasping at his back with one hand and twisting the other in his hair.

He pulls his knee away to gently undo the tie on the front of her pants, sliding them down her hips to reveal her bare skin beneath. She misses the feeling of him against her and whimpers at the emptiness, earning her a gentle kiss in return.

He teases her first, barely touching her where she so desperately needed to be and instead just skimming the surface of her skin with his fingertip. When he finally gives her what she wants and runs his index finger from her entrance to her clit, taking his sweet time getting there, she gasps.

She writhes against his hand, giving him little choice but to plunge into her, he shudders at the sound of his slippery fingers along with her quiet moaning. Encouraged, he adds a second finger, searching for the spot along her frontal wall that drove her near the edge whenever he found it.

“ _Gods_.” She groans, lifting her hips off the bed and forcing his fingers deeper inside of her. After she acclimates to the girth, he adds a third finger, the discomfort fading away quickly.

He pulls his fingers out, making a point of leaving a trail of her lubrication along her thigh before he silences her protests with his mouth, kissing away her irritation at the sudden emptiness. In retaliation, she pulls his undershirt over his head, and it joins hers on the floor next to the bed. 

He lets his whole body lay atop hers, unmoving, their chests, waists, and hips meeting with no friction. Alisaie can feel his heartbeat, the warmth and aether radiating from him to her. She can feel his hardness through the cloth and breaks the stillness, rocking her hips against his. It is he who moans then, and he does not protest when she moves to rid him of the last piece of clothing between them.

He lifts himself off of her an ilm at most and glances at her, giving her a chance to turn back now, but instead, she wraps her arms around his back and tilts back her head, exposing her neck.

He takes that as the confirmation he needed and kisses her. “This may be painful.” He reminds her, and she nods enthusiastically, too busy wanting to finally do this, to silence her brain, her body practically screaming out to her to let him in.

He aligns his tip with her entrance and kisses her neck. “ _Please._ ” She begs.

Slowly, he presses into her. It does hurt, though less than she expects. The feeling quickly subsides as she gets used to the intrusion. He sighs, the sound of Urianger finally enjoying himself enough to very quickly flip the switch in her brain from pain into pleasure. She lifts herself up against him, taking all of him until their hips are flush with each other and he throws his head back helplessly.

Alisaie writhes under him again, gyrating her hips until she finds the exact friction she’s looking for, giving her stimulation externally in addition to internally, and she grabs his hips to pull him in closer, deeper.

Overwhelmed at Alisaie's reaction to his presence he moans, slowly withdrawing before thrusting into her again. She could get used to the sensation, the sound of him breathing and hearing the loud thumping of his heartbeat even over her own making her wish they could be even closer, somehow.

Instead of moving closer, he pulls away a bit, moving onto his knees. Alisaie trusts Urianger enough to follow his lead. Without ever fully leaving her, he spreads her legs and moves between them, lifting up her left calf and moving it past his shoulder and out of the way so that she’s straddling and wrapping herself around his upper left thigh.

He moves into her again, and she realizes why he’s rearranged them, his hand now has easy access to touch her, allowing him to stroke her clit as he filled her.

He quickly falls into a rhythm, slow but persistent. Urianger closes his eyes, and Alisaie can't help but watch his face: the way his eyebrows alternate between raising and furrowing, or how his mouth stays slightly ajar, letting noises escape periodically.

She can feel the tension building within her, the culmination of his hands at work and the imagery of his length disappearing inside of her with every thrust finally paired with a sensation.

She grips the sheets beneath her tighter, whimpering loudly as his pace quickens. He’s close, he says so before she nods, the tightening of the leg draped around him the consent he was hoping for. _‘Finish inside me.’_

He moves with a purpose now, losing himself in the sounds of her pleasure and the sensation of his own. He thinks of how long he has wanted to do this, to finally consummate their love. How long he has wanted to make her truly his. Urianger was hesitant before, not sure they were ready for such potentially permanent consequences, but he was hardly thinking about that now. If anything, it excites him.

He makes little noises as he approaches his peak, not quite moans and not quite whimpers but somewhere in-between. His fingers move more quickly while his thrusting slows, practically begging Alisaie come alongside him. Alisaie feels him twitch inside of her and still before he moans loudly and grips her waist tightly with one hand to brace himself.

The feeling of him spilling within her is enough to bring her over the edge as well. He hisses at the sensation when she milks him with her orgasm, the waves of muscle contractions almost too much stimulation for him, but her whimpering of pleasure is enough to make him persist until she’s crying out and her whole body seizes involuntarily.

He withdraws when she finishes and collapses, gently caressing her toned stomach with his wet fingers.

He’s so lost in his afterglow that he almost doesn’t notice that her noises of pleasure have been replaced with sniffling. When he looks down at her, her face confirms his suspicions, her eyes watery and her lower lip trembling.

All at once he feels as if the world is crashing down around him. Had he hurt her?

“I don’t deserve you.” She said shakily, still breathless from the sex and also trying very hard not to cry.

“Do not say such things.”

“If you knew what I‘ve done, you would agree.” She whispers. “I love you so much.”

“Alisaie…” She shakes her head, not wanting to elaborate. She settles into his embrace, and when he tightens his grip around her back, she sobs.


	2. To Hien

**Three Weeks Earlier**

“And why exactly is the Warrior of Light not accompanying the two of you?” Thancred asks skeptically, Yugiri sighs.

“Too recognizable. Recognition is also why I cannot join.” Yugiri frowns, she was a better fit for a stealthy combatant role than one of espionage anyway. Hiding in plain sight was never her strong suit. “But Lyse and Alisaie are less _infamous_ amongst the Garleans.”

“I’m sure the fact that they’re so easy on the eyes has something to do with it, too.” Thancred grumbles and Alisaie’s cheeks redden.

“The plan is contingent on that, yes,” Yugiri confesses, and Thancred crosses his arms.

“Does Urianger know about this?” He raises his eyebrow and looks to Alisaie who visibly avoids his glance.

_Alisaie’s face presses against Urianger’s chest more for his comfort than hers as she explains her reasoning, “I am not a diplomat or a scholar, like Alphinaud or Fourchenalt or Louisoix, but I can fight. If being a woman leads my enemies to lower their defenses, should I not take advantage of that?”_

Alisaie mumbles, “I left out some of the details, but yes.” More clearly she reminds Thancred, “He is not my keeper, I can do as I please.” 

Thancred massages his temples. He knows better than to question either of them, Lyse’s strong will lead an army to defeat the Garleans. Alisaie clearly jumped at the opportunity to thrust herself into danger whenever it presents itself. Nothing outweighed their shared stubbornness except maybe their recklessness.

“It will be worth it if we can rescue Hien.” Lyse asserts, and the other two women nod. 

“Trust, if the Legatus preferred the company of men, you and Alphinaud would be undergoing this mission,” Alisaie adds.

Thancred laughs at that. “I suppose you’re right.” He looks to Lyse. “Return safely. Ala Mhigo needs its leader.” Lyse nods.

“I have Alisaie to keep me safe.” She punches the shorter woman in the arm playfully, who shrugs.

“And I’ll be keeping an eye on them from a distance when I can.” Yugiri reminds him.

Thancred yields, allowing the women to board the ship from Limsa Lominsa to Kugane. Alisaie and Lyse say goodbye to Yugiri, who assures them that she will meet up with them again as soon as possible, and they’re alone.

As the ship leaves port, Lyse looks at Alisaie, who stares out at sea pensively. Lyse frowns and puts her hand on Alisaie’s shoulder.

Alisaie grabs at her gathered hair and runs it between her fingers. “I suppose it’s time to say goodbye to this.”

“It is rather practical, isn’t it?” Lyse pulls at her hair clip, brushing her fingers through her now loose hair. “How do I look, like a stunning courtesan?”

Alisaie nods, holding back a laugh. “The empire better watch out.” She frees her own hair, unnaturally wavy from being almost permanently in a braid. 

“They’ll hardly notice me next to someone like you.” Lyse flatters, and Alisaie looks at her elastic sadly. “To Hien?” Lyse asks before throwing the clip over the edge. Alisaie hesitates but tosses hers as well.

“To Hien.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I should continue this!


	3. An Introduction

Alisaie always envies how Lyse manages to make people trust her. The pugilist, now wearing an ensemble closer resembling swimwear than actual clothing, turns on her charm and bats her lashes at the door guard. “We’ve been sent from the Ruby Bazaar, as a gift of good will from Lord Lolorito.” Lyse looks past the door guard and into the most lavish inn room that either of the (sort of) Scions had ever seen. A soldier sat at a table with a Miqo'te girl in his lap, talking to someone out of sight.

“Is this some kind of joke?” A woman’s voice echoes from underneath Garlean armor. “This one looks like she’s sixteen summers old.”

In her most accidentally indignant voice, Alisaie interjects, “I’ll have you know I'm tw-“ Lyse elbows her, and the younger woman silences herself.

“Chatty, that one is.” A man chuckles, one they hadn’t seen when they had looked earlier. “I like her.” Hit suddenly by the scent of tobacco, and possibly as a result of the man’s creepy tone, Alisaie’s nose wrinkles.

“The Wildwood one?” The soldier asks, surprised. “She looks like a lad! I’d much prefer to get my hands on that Highlander lass…"

Alisaie makes eye contact with the man and immediately knows she has found her mark: Quintus van Elerius, the new Legatus of the XIIth Imperial Legion. He’s shorter than she expects, with ear length auburn hair and a distinctive Garlean third eye. He doesn’t wear armor, which is surprising, though she supposes that most people don’t stay fully armed in the comfort of their inn rooms. Based on appearances alone, one would likely consider him more of a politician than a skilled combatant, though she supposes that makes two of them.

The Legatus retorts, “you have fun with that, then.” The soldier shrugs. The Miqo'te on his lap shoots Lyse a look of pity, but Lyse maintains an enthusiastic expression despite her disgust. The way Quintus looks at Alisaie makes her want to hide, though also makes her thankful she chose to wear something more modest than her companion. “Why don’t you take the beast-woman and the blonde whore to your own chambers and leave us.”

He holds Alisaie’s eye contact as if it’s a challenge, waiting for her to reject the offer or show weakness. Alisaie suspects she knows what he’s looking for. If he wanted beautiful and affable company, he’d have surely asked for Lyse. If he wanted someone timider, the Miqo'te was a much better option. Both Lyse and Alisaie had expected that it would be Lyse who would tempt the information as to Hien’s whereabouts from the Legatus, but Alisaie could roll with the punches.

So she covers up her fear and anger with a curious smirk, and by the look on his face, she knows she’s guessed correctly.

Lyse glances at Alisaie with mild concern and then turns to the Legatus cautiously. “She’s hardly qualified enough for someone such as yourself-“

“Aye, all the better.” He waves away Lyse’s concern.

The soldier protests, “we weren’t done discussing our plans.”

“It can wait until the morning.” After a moment of stunned silence, the soldier simply nods and stands. The Miqo'te gathers a piece of parchment off the table and rolls it before grabbing Lyse’s hand and tugging her towards the doorway. Lyse looks over at Alisaie again, trying to offer her an escape, but Alisaie simply nods in return.

_‘I can handle this.’_

As Lyse follows the other two out, the guard at the door looks at her skeptically and then back to the Legatus who nods.

“As you wish, My Lord.” She shuts the door behind them. She felt as if a conversation took place without her knowing, but now is not the time to show weakness or doubt.

Alisaie makes the first move and strides over to Quintus, lifting her hand to touch his shoulder before he grabs it. As he holds her wrist, she is unable to control her trembling.

“Hmm.” He observes, and Alisaie attempts to remain stoic despite her body revealing her secret. “Skipping over the small talk, are we?” She says nothing in return. “How about we get to know each other first?” He beckons her to sit in one of the chairs around the table and kneels in front of her so that the two of them are face to face. He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear delicately, and she narrows her eyes.

“Are you going to treat me like I'm a child?” She questions. “Men in power tend to be into that sort of thing, I suppose.”

He chuckles at that and moves his hand away. “I take it you know who I am, then.” He stands and walks around the table to grab another chair, dragging it over and setting it down across from hers. “Now how about you give it a go?”

“I don’t see how it’s relevant.” She observes, and he nods.

“I just wanted to confirm that my suspicions are correct.” He muses, and she chews on the inside of her lip. Why did she get the feeling that she was no longer the one in control? “If you’re not going to play along, why don’t you just tell me whether or not I’m on the mark.”

“Not like I can stop you.”

“You and the woman you came here with are both Eorzean, though Lolorito’s _involvement_ would easily explain that.” Her face remains unimpressed. “I’d guess the Highlander is Ala Mhigan.” He scans her head to toe, inventorying her features. “You’re far too short to be Ishgardian, though perhaps you’re a half breed.” She frowns at that, not because of the racist implication but because her height is actually not all that unusual in Sharlayan. “Oh, did I offend you?”

“Why does my race interest you so?”

“Based on your reaction, I’d guess you’re not only a pure bred Elezen but a noble born.” Her expression gives away her confusion and he chuckles in satisfaction. “How you ended up here is probably quite a tale, but not one that interests me, I suppose.”

“Do you talk to all of your courtesans like this?” She asks, and he smirks.

“Just the ones that look like they have no business being courtesans.” She doesn’t react, so he continues. “While you’re definitely a beauty, you’re hardly the most polite.” She crosses her arms at this, and he shakes his head. “Not that it bothers me, I'd much rather share my time with a woman capable of her own thoughts and actions.” He leans forward then, and she’s pretty sure he’s going to kiss her, so she braces herself. Her crossed arms grip her tightly, but he just hovers in front of her face, breathing on her while he cups her cheek in his hand.

“Are you going to kiss me or not?” She interrupts, and he lets his hand drop, freeing her face from his grasp as he pulls away.

“You are still innocent, that much is clear.” He points out, and her ears grow warm from the embarrassment. “Don’t worry, I have no intention of taking that from you.” She loosens her grip she has on herself subconsciously. “Not by force, anyway.”

“So what am I to do then, exactly?”

“You’ll remain here until I ask for you, and then you’ll do as I ask.” He explains, intentionally vague. “The specifics I haven’t decided upon yet, we’ll do what feels right.”

“And I cannot leave?”

“You could, though I'm sure if you leave empty handed, those who sent you here would be… displeased.”

He understands their predicament better than she realized. She thinks of Hien in a cell somewhere being tortured while she humors a strange man for what he likely assumes is the coin, and she shudders. She mumbles, “If that is your will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost done writing this whole fic, so I'll probably post the rest of it in the next few days. Hope you like it!


	4. Breathless

A pleasant smell awakes her. Since her captor had so kindly offered her the bed and instead slept on a bed roll on the floor, she hadn’t heard him wake.

She feels the bed shake as he sits down next to her. He nudges her gently, and she sighs, not knowing what to expect. She opens her eyes, and he holds out a pastry of some kind, maybe a roll. Reluctantly, she takes it but doesn’t eat it. “Thank you, I suppose.”

“I already grabbed breakfast, and I figured I could save you the trip.” He justifies, and she recoils at his apparent thoughtfulness. “If this won’t suffice, you can always go get something else.” He reminds her, not exactly sincerely. Ah. He was implying that she ought not to leave the room, even if she technically could. That made more sense.

Slightly less concerned that it might be poisoned, she takes a bite out of the roll and is pleasantly surprised. She was never a fan of Doman food, despite Lyse and the Warrior of Light’s curiosity and insistence at trying everything edible they could get their hands on. “This is acceptable.” 

She notices the table is covered in a number of maps, parchment rolls, and pens scattered haphazardly. Quintus returns to his makeshift desk and scribbles something on one of the maps, and she looks over curiously. “When I'm away from home like this, I try to make sure I have access to…” He’s distracted by her blatantly staring at him. “Familiar foods. Do you want to know what I’m doing?”

She shrugs, not like she has much to lose by asking questions if he thinks her a trafficked noblewoman. “If you’d be willing to share.”

“I’m reviewing my officer’s recommendations for my next movement in the Ruby Sea.” He explains and walks over to him to look at the map. “You met him last night, he left with your friend.”

“Hmm.” She looks, unable to stop herself from criticizing. “He’s terribly shortsighted to be making suggestions like this.” She circles one of the potential points of interest with her index finger and taps it. “There’s a civilization here that will not respond kindly to your presence.”

“It’s the middle of the ocean.” He argues, “There’s no island here. I’ve surveyed the area myself.”

“It’s underwater.” He eyes her curiously.

“So you’ve been?”

She realizes she may have said too much and backtracks as much as possible. “I heard stories, back in school.”

“Ah, I could tell you were educated.” He chuckles. “Do you have any other recommendations?”

“If your entire council of trusted persons is similar to the man who suggested this plan to you, you should consider surrounding yourself with someone else.”

His light chuckle is replaced with a cackle. “To be honest, I like keeping people like him around. It makes me feel better about my own shortcomings.”

“That’s very self-aware.” She admits, and he puts his pen down. 

“Do you know why I joined the Legion?” He asks, and she shakes her head, though he’s not looking at her to see it anyway.

“I suspect you’re going to tell me.”

“I have an older sister, Sepunia, who is a brilliant magitek engineer.” He starts, and she sits down, expecting this to take a while. “Not quite on par with Garlond, but still rather renowned. She always excelled in school, impressing our parents with her achievements while I struggled to pay attention.” _That sounds familiar_ , Alisaie thought. “I was always talented in combat. While we were younger, we made a good team. As a new machinist, her tech always gave me the upper hand. She was the brains to my brawn.” He smiles sadly, and she feels a bit nostalgic herself at the thought. “In Garlemald we all serve our nation in our own ways. She built, and I destroyed. I rose through the ranks, she didn’t. Not that my parents care much, though.” He laughs, “They would blame it on starting a family. Odd how people consider that an excuse for mediocrity.”

“So you became a Legatus of the largest empire in the world to outdo your sister?”

“That was definitely part of it, but I also have a talent for it. I’ve never been particularly bright, but I could lead.”

“And fight.” She finds herself completing his thought, and he smiles knowingly at her.

“You act as if you speak from experience?” He questions and she holds her breath. She did it _again_ , she was supposed to be playing a role. But he seems taken with her, curiosity in his eyes rather than fear or annoyance. She shrugs.

“I’ve… dabbled.” She lies, hoping that satisfies him, but he only looks more intrigued.

“With what weapon, if I may ask?” 

“This and that.” She isn’t lying then, her weapon of choice alternates between a rapier and a sword. 

“What about it are you drawn to?” He leans forward, and she shrugs again, but he won’t accept that answer. “Is it winning?” She shakes her head. 

“How about you?” He smirks.

“The thrill of imminent death, of not knowing how it could end, it’s not lost on me.” He admits, “In that way, I suppose Zenos and I were alike. Though I hope our similarities end there.” His tone changes, going from light conversation to more of a threat in almost an instant. “I suspect you can sympathize.” He stands, and in one swift motion, he’s pulled her onto her feet as well. 

As soon as she’s standing, she’s on the ground, her back hitting the floor with a thud and he’s on top of her, placing his long fingers around her throat and waiting for her to struggle against him. She attempts to lift herself up to throw him off balance, but he grips her tighter, and the lack of blood and oxygen to her brain starts to become an issue. He releases his hold on her neck before she goes unconscious, leaving her to catch her breath while he lingers over her.

“You feel that?” She’s wordless, “You might think it fear, but for a moment your eyes…” She feels self-conscious then, “You were excited.”

When she doesn’t respond, he smirks and moves away. Without saying anything else, he stands, collects his things from the table and leaves the room.

Leaves her with her thoughts.

 


	5. Ageha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alisaie starts to question if she's wasting time.

_She dreams of Urianger, dangling their feet together in one of many springs in Othard, their fingers intertwined and not a care in the world besides each other. She can feel his soft skin, the water is cool despite the heat in the air._

_“I miss you.” She says as if she can somehow truly communicate with him. He smiles sadly at her and pulls his hand away._

_“Do you?” He asks, and she feels her heart race. What was he saying? “You seem to be very comfortable with the Legatus.”_

_“I’m trying to find my friend.” She reminds him, “Our friend.” He looks hurt._

_“It’s getting difficult to believe you.”_

She wakes in a cold sweat, alone in the inn room.

She understands now why the threat of prison is such an effective deterrent. Boredom does not begin to describe her feelings as the days pass, interacting with only one man for entertainment. Even then, he spent at most half of the day in the room with her, even then mostly sleeping.

She lets him join her on the bed after the second night, partially to give him the impression that she is warming up to him, partially because she might be. He’s gentlemanly despite the invitation, keeping to his own side even when the temperature drops in the middle of the night.

She doesn’t particularly like that he’s there, but she misses him when he’s gone. She isn’t used to sleeping alone.

She jumps when the door opens, and she sees Quintus standing in the doorway with a grin on his face, in the middle of the day. “I have something to ask of you.”

She pretends to be nonchalant about it, but she’s both excited and terrified to finally do something other than stare at the ceiling. “And what might that be?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow, for a few days at least. I was wondering if you’d spar with me.” He holds out a weapon in his hand, a katana.

“Is that for me?” She asks, and he nods. She grabs it and holds it between both of her hands as if it’s her usual sword, finding that it’s actually much lighter.

“It suits you.” She thinks about giving it a test swing, but the room suddenly feels much smaller. “Should we take this to the courtyard?”

“If you’re offering, I'd be glad to get out of this room.” He leads, only a door away from the one that led outside. When they reach the open area, she pulls the katana out of its sheath and practices some basic motions, nodding to herself when she figures out how to leverage the weight correctly.

“Don’t go easy on me.” He laughs, and she nods, though she fully intends to do just that. On their first bout, she fumbles a bit, trying to use her usual weapon skills and finding them less effective than she’d hoped. “You’re using it like a broadsword, this weapon isn’t built for defense.” He explains, demonstrating a few motions on his own. “It is built for doing damage.”

The second time, she pays close attention to what he does and tries to emulate it. She finds that building and maintaining momentum is key to her success and doesn’t yield until they’re both out of breath. “You live up to your reputation.” She admits.

“And I've been going easy on you.” He smiles, and she narrows her eyes, unable to stop the competitive part of her brain from taking over.

“If that’s how it is, let’s try again.” She smirks, and he returns the gesture, getting back into his usual stance.

She doesn’t hold back, pouring all of her energy into her sword, making up for her deficiencies in artistic handling with brute force and persistence. He makes a single misstep and loses balance, flying backward and hitting the ground with enough force that she practically feels it from where she stands. While he’s down, she puts her foot on his chest and holds the point of the weapon over his face.

He’s panting, and at first glance, she thinks he looks surprised, perhaps scared. On closer inspection, she can tell his pupils are dilated, and his cheeks are red.

This is what he meant before, excitement.

“You _dabble_?” He laughs, and she nods, stepping off of him and putting the katana back in its sheath. “In my defense, the sword is not my usual weapon.”

“Me either.” She says and smiles, more genuine than she expected. How long had it been since she was able to truly fight? Everyone had been very overprotective of her since her injury at Castrum Abania, and when she very rarely did see combat, she was resigned to casting from a distance. She holds her hand out to help him up, and she can tell that his disposition has changed from one of amusement and tentative interest to one of respect. She knows that this will likely work to her detriment, but she’s also proud to be reminded of her strength.

“We’ll have to give this a go with our usual weapons some time, then.” He suggests, and she freezes. He talks as if he doesn’t quite understand their arrangement, and she doesn’t understand why. He was the one who set the terms, and she was merely working within them. They were not equals, she was fully at his mercy, and he knows it.

She’s able to watch the sun set from outside, rather than through the window of the inn room, and she finds that it does a pretty decent job of silencing her thoughts. He stands quietly next to her, even his breathing more quiet than usual, and she’s thankful for it. If it weren’t for the setting, she’d be able to imagine Urianger with her instead.

When they finally retire to bed that night, he puts an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. She lets him.

When most of the Legion is gone, Alisaie takes the opportunity to search for clues. While the Garleans are very diligent in bringing their intelligence with them, she hopes that she can get information from their service people. As far as they knew, she was one of them after all.

She hears a familiar voice in the kitchen, and she speeds up her walking pace. When she throws the door open, she sees Lyse, dressed in a more modest cleaners outfit rather than the more revealing one she arrived in.

“You’re safe.” Lyse sighed in relief, her eyes welling up. “I haven’t seen you in days, I thought the worst.”

“I’m fine.” Alisaie shrugs and Lyse wipes her eyes. “How are you?”

“Fortunately after the officer grew bored of having his fun with me, the inn staff found a place for me among their cleaners. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I would have done.” Lyse looks at her with sympathy. “If you’re here, does that mean you’ve done it then?”

The question has two meanings, but her answer to both of them is the same. “No.”

Lyse inhales deeply then, nervously balancing her weight back and forth between her feet. “Okay, then. I’ll take it you have a plan?”

“I was going to ask around today, now that everyone is gone.”

“So you’ve been doing what exactly for the past week?” Alisaie looks to the other woman in the room washing dishes, and Lyse shakes her head. “She’s no one we need to worry about. She’s on our side.”

“Trying to gain his trust.”

“He’s not going to just tell you now.” Lyse reminds her. “You haven’t given him what he wants, so why would he say anything?”

Alisaie crosses her arms. “I know what he wants. I’d rather leave this situation with my dignity if I can help it.”

“If you couldn’t handle this…” Lyse tries to hide her annoyance, but she’s never been very good at keeping her emotions under control. Not that Alisaie can blame her, Lyse has been through a lot more at this point. “Maybe you shouldn’t have come along.”

“You could always kill him.” The other woman interjects, and they both turn to her in shock.

“I don’t know if that’s necessary…” Alisaie finds herself saying without thinking. “If I kill him how am I going to find Hien?”

“You realize that he would not hesitate to kill you if he knew who you were?” Lyse asks, and Alisaie finds herself looking to the other woman for confirmation. The woman nods.

“If it comes to that, I guess that’s what I'll have to do.” Alisaie accepts. “But until then, let me figure something out, okay? Give me at least until they return to come up with something.”

“I suppose.” Lyse softens. “I didn’t mean to be cruel, it's just... after Hien saved me in Ala Mhigo, I feel as if I owe him my life.”

Alisaie frowns and nods, abandoning her plans of interviewing the help and instead deciding to formulate a plan.


	6. Control

Alisaie crosses her legs and smooths out her hair with her fingers when she hears Quintus’s distinct footsteps approaching the door. She bites her lip when they make eye contact, and he pauses, his eyes immediately settling on the visible skin above her knees.

She was wearing one of his shirts but otherwise appears to be completely undressed. Her expression was characteristically unreadable, something she knew he had come to expect from her. When he shuts the door behind him, she uncrosses her legs and raises her eyebrow as she leans forward.

“Did you take any lives while you were gone?” She asks with no small talk and he shudders, the genuine sounding curiosity in her voice making his blood run hot.

“Not directly, no.” He admits, and she frowns playfully.

“How unfortunate for you…” She stands, her tone intentionally mocking. “Did you hope to?”

“I did.” He reaches out to touch her hair, to run his fingers through it when she reaches up to grab his hand, pulling it down to her waist. The contact makes her feel sick, but she swallows it down and smiles provocatively.

“That’s not the only thing you were hoping for, is it?” She sets the bait, and without even pausing he nods. “Perhaps something I can do for you…”

She stands on her toes and presses a kiss to his neck, and he gasps. “You are finally ready, then?”

“Something like that.” Her hand trails down his stomach and approaches his belt, but he shakes his head.

“The bed.” She nods, leading him across the room and pushing him down onto the mattress. He undoes his belt and pulls off his pants, leaving his smallclothes on. She climbs onto the bed over him and straddles his legs. He attempts to touch her, but she stops him, shaking her head.

“No touching unless I say you can.” She glares at him, and he nods in understanding.

She teases the bulge on the front of his shorts shakily, and she feels him grow hard under her touch. When she looks up at him, he’s staring right back at her, begging her to continue. Leaving his shirt on, she frees him from his smallclothes and tries to hide her embarrassment at seeing a grown man completely naked for the first time.

Unlike Urianger, he was not bashful or shy about his attraction to her, he simply let it be clear. But she couldn’t think of Urianger right now. She wouldn’t be able to stand it.

She grasps him with her palm and moves quickly, no teasing or loving slowness, simply utility.

He moans as she picks up speed, already approaching his peak, his stamina in bed clearly not on par with his supposed stamina on the battlefield. She stops then, and refuses to oblige even when he tries to thrust himself into her closed fist.

“I’ll give you what _you_ want when you give me what _I_ want.” She states, and he nods.

“Anything, I’ll give you anything.” He begs her and she smirks at the shameless display beneath her, hiding her fear with artificial smugness.

“I want you to tell me your secret, the one that would lose the war for you if it were discovered.” She bluffs, and he sighs.

“You know about that?” He asks, breathless, but still attempting to maintain friction in her hand. “Alright, I’ll tell you.” She strokes him one more time, and he cries out. “I’m in love with you, Alisaie.”

She drops him like he’s on fire, and immediately pushes herself off of him. “My name.” She was shaking. “I never told you my name.”

“I didn’t become Legatus by not knowing my enemies.” He reaches out to her, desperation still in his voice. “You came into my room with the leader of the Ala Mhigan Resistance. Did you think me a fool? I thought by keeping you close I'd be able to stop you from interrupting my entire operation, but…”

She feels dizzy like the room is spinning and like her chest is tightening. “You’re in love with me?”

“I didn’t expect it to happen, but you surprised me.” She shakes her head, unbelieving. “I have never met someone as strong as you, Alisaie Leveilleur. You are truly my equal. Nay, my superior.”

He sits up then, still erect and his body still flushed with arousal and tries to kiss her, but she pulls away. “You let me stay here and make a fool out of myself trying to save my friend.” She mumbles, “But you claim to be in love with me?”

“I’ll tell you where Hien is.” She lets him kiss her then, partially out of shock. When he pulls away, he looks at her with a hope that makes her almost feel sad for him. “He’s on a ship docked at Pier #2. Rescue him if you want.”

She kisses him in reward, and he pulls her back on top of him, not quite exactly where she was before but closer now. He grabs her hand with his and leads it back to where it had been, and she obliges, speaking softly into his ear. “Close your eyes.”

He nods and allows her to stroke him, “I want us to be together forever.” He grips the sheets, and his breathing quickens as he approaches climax. “Can we?”

“Yes.” She spares his feelings, and as he’s distracted with his orgasm, sticky release covering her hand and his stomach, she summons her aether into a short, sharp object. He pulls her into a kiss when he finishes, his heart rate slowing with every breath.

But his eyes are still closed. Alisaie inhales deeply and does it as quickly as possible, pulling the makeshift knife across his throat. She looks away, but before he can even react, he’s still, his blood and aether draining from his body and suddenly elsewhere.

The weapon disappears, and she wishes she could with it, instead throwing herself off the bed and crumpling to a heap on the floor.

She’s not sure who she mourns more, the man that had kept her captive, or her former self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Hope you're not too mad at me about the misleading archive warning...


	7. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyse, Alisaie, and Yugiri are finally reunited.

Yugiri sees her as she leaves the inn, wearing nothing but a blood covered shirt and a stunned expression. “Alisaie?” She asks, and the Elezen doesn’t look at her, simply staring ahead.

“He’s on a ship.” Alisaie starts, “Docked at Pier #2. That’s all I know.” She recites, emotionless.

“Where is Lyse?” Yugiri asks and forces Alisaie to look at her, and she desperately avoids eye contact. “Come with me. I will fetch her and get you some clean clothes, okay?”

Alisaie doesn’t nod, but she follows Yugiri without protest. Yugiri finds a secluded corner and orders her to sit down and not move until she returns.

Alisaie slides down the wall and brings her knees up to her forehead. Time must pass because she hears Lyse’s footsteps rapidly approaching.

The pugilist squats down and hands Alisaie a change of clothes. “Yugiri is finding Hien. We need to find Tataru and find a safe way out of the city before anyone realizes what’s happened.” Alisaie strips down in front of Lyse, putting on the new clothes and pulling her hair into a fresh elastic. Lyse flinches at this, worried about the implication of Alisaie’s behavior. “What did happen?”

_“I don’t know that she fully realizes what happened,” Yugiri warns Lyse._

_“What is that supposed to mean?” Lyse asks, well before they approach Alisaie._

“The Legatus is taken care of.” Alisaie does not elaborate, but that’s enough for Lyse. For now.

The two of them speed walk to the Ruby Bazaar. When Lyse throws open the door, Tataru’s eyes widen, and she sprints towards them, before flailing in anger at them for worrying her so much.

“I’ve been in contact with Tataru since our second day here,” Lyse explains.

“Alisaie, are you alright?” Tataru asks, and when she reaches out to touch Alisaie, the Elezen jerks away.

“That’s unimportant.”

“If… you say so.” Tataru doesn’t press, and instead just explains the route for their escape.

It would take a lot longer than their journey on the way here, mostly to avoid Hien’s recapture. He will remain in the Steppe until any threat has been ruled out. Lyse and Alisaie will sail first to Othard with Hien and Yugiri and then to Limsa Lominsa. Alisaie deems the plan sound, at least on the surface, and they head to their destination, a ship also docked at the Pier #2.

It’s the kind of dark outside reserved for the hours between night and early morning. It’s cold, and she thinks of sleeping next to the unusually warm Garlean that she murdered only a few hours ago and she shivers.

“Come here.” Lyse beckons her over, but Alisaie turns away, facing the water. In a gesture more dramatic than she intends, she plunges into the chilly ocean. Alisaie remains under for longer than strictly necessary. Brine and miscellaneous ocean filth replace some of the remaining blood and sweat, and she feels a bit better. 

When she emerges, Lyse is giving her a concerned look, though obviously not worried about her drowning. Alisaie climbs onto the dock, still soaking wet, and Lyse sighs. “What?”

“I went through all that effort to find you clean clothes, and you ruin them immediately.” They both chuckle a bit at that, to Lyse’s relief.

Alisaie returns to her melancholy self quickly, now both distraught and soaked. “Are you going to ask how I did it?”

“Did what?” Lyse asks before she answers her own question, “Oh, the Legatus.” She bites her lip in contemplation. “Do you want to tell me?”

“He told me where Hien was without me threatening him.” Alisaie looks up at Lyse guiltily. “He told me I could rescue him if I wanted.”

_“You didn’t see her sparring Quintus in the courtyard.” Yugiri explains, “She seemed… enamored.”_

_“That’s absurd.” Lyse raises her eyebrows._

_“She’s a smart girl, but she’s not infallible.” Yugiri reminds her. “The Legatus is smart too. He would know exactly what to say to manipulate her.”_

“I’m assuming there was a catch.” Lyse questions and Alisaie nods.

“He expected me to stay with him.” She practically whispers. “He knew who I was. He insisted he was in love with me.”

_“But she escaped!” Lyse argues, “Clearly she must have seen through him eventually.”_

_“He is dead, and she is not, that is true. But neither of us were there. We don’t know what was going through her head.”_

If he knew who Alisaie was, maybe Yugiri has a point. “Don’t… beat yourself up about it, okay?” Lyse reassures the younger woman but Alisaie shudders. “You did what you had to do to save Hien and Doma.”

“I suppose.” Alisaie nods. “I’d prefer you didn’t speak of this to anyone.”

“Of course.”


	8. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alisaie comes to terms with what she's done.

The Warrior of Light holds a bottle of wine and takes a long drink. When Alisaie grabs it away from them, they chuckle. “You make me feel like a bad influence.”

“I’m an adult.”

“I know, but if your brother knew that I was drinking with his dear sister, he’d end me.” Alisaie hastily finishes the bottle, leaving the Warrior of Light to gape at her. “Which begs the question, is there a reason you’re drinking an entire bottle of wine on the floor of my room this early in the morning?”

Alisaie sighs, “there are things I'd rather forget.”

“Ah, I've been there.” The Warrior of Light stands and walks to their cabinet, pulling out another bottle. “That’s why I keep this around.”

“You’ve never seemed the type,” Alisaie suggests but the Warrior of Light shrugs.

“Neither have you, but here we are.” Using a dagger and some upper body strength, the warrior pops the cork out of the bottle and takes another swig. “I’m assuming this has something to do with your adventure in Kugane.”

Alisaie groans dramatically, “Why does everyone want to talk about it?”

“Because it’s obvious that you secretly want to.” The warrior hands the Elezen the bottle.

“Everyone’s treating me like a defenseless victim.” Alisaie feels the light buzz of inebriation start to kick in and she opens up. “It’s easier for them to deal with than accepting that sweet Alisaie may have done anything wrong.”

The Warrior eyes her in interest, afraid that if they interrupt, Alisaie may stop talking altogether. “So why don’t you set the record straight?”

“Everyone will hate me.” Alisaie whispers and the Warrior of Light resists the urge to shake their head. “That’s why I had to leave. I feel like they all know the truth but can’t face it.”

“You saved people in the end.” The Warrior of Light explains, and Alisaie looks down guiltily. “I’m sure the ends justify the means in that case?”

“The Legatus,” Alisaie starts, finishing off the second bottle of wine. She sets it on the ground and fidgets with it as she speaks. “He was a horrible man in theory.”

“But not in reality?”

“He was horrible in reality too, just in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.” Alisaie spins the empty bottle with her fingertip, chuckling at the thought. “He was a kind of horrible that grew on me, I suppose.”

Realization dawns on the Warrior of Light. “I’m going to tell you something I've never told anyone before, alright?” When Alisaie perks up at this, the warrior reminds her, “I’d prefer if you didn’t repeat it.”

“I think you have more than enough leverage to prevent that,” Alisaie suggests.

“At the Royal Menagerie, before Zenos joined with Shinryu.” The warrior smiles to themselves, “He said that ‘only man has the wisdom and the clarity to embrace violence for its own sake, for we who are born into this merciless, meaningless world, have but one candle of life to burn.’” Alisaie looks at the warrior in confusion, “He said that he knew I understood this, that he and I were one in the same. That together, we could ‘while away the quiet hours, as friend and confidant’ if only I accepted him.”

“What are you saying?”

“I tried to accept him. I thought of all of the ways that my fate had been unfair, and how it was so rare that anyone understood me. It was so rare that I craved the companionship of someone as blatantly evil as Zenos.” Alisaie pales at the similarities. Though neither she nor Quintus had been so direct, it was clear that their desire to prove others of their strength and worth made them inexplicably alike. “Rationally, I knew that I could never do it. I could never betray you or the rest of the Scions. But in my heart, I committed treason.”

Alisaie looks at the warrior in understanding. She had worried that she may never find anyone who understood her ever again, but maybe that person was sitting right in front of her.

\---

Even to the untrained eye, it’s clear that Alisaie has returned different than how she left. Each of the Scions has their own _theories_ , but it doesn’t take long for their gossip to grate on Urianger.

She wakes earlier and returns later, every day returning with an injury and a shrug and the scent of alcohol on her breath. Everyone is concerned, but also too afraid of inquiring directly.

Even though she’s more physically affectionate with Urianger, she's also more emotionally distant. Urianger may not be as attuned to the subtleties of aether as Y’shtola, who practically gasped every time Alisaie walked into a room, but even he could tell that she felt clouded and dark.

Urianger reaches his breaking point when she shows up at the Waking Sands in the middle of the day, completely drunk and limping on a swollen ankle. Instead of explaining herself, she simply walks to her old room and shuts the door, leaving Urianger stunned in the hallway and slightly infuriated.

Urianger retreats to the Solar. Thancred sits on Urianger’s desk and looks at him sympathetically when he enters the room.

“My lady confounds me.” He admits and takes a seat in his chair with an exasperated sigh. Thancred raises his eyebrow.

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” Urianger looks at Thancred like he's offended that he even suggested it.

“She refuses.”

“Have you considered that she’s afraid of what you might think?” Thancred asks, and Urianger thinks it over but shakes his head. He had made it clear that he did not judge her for whatever she had to do. “She obviously knows what everyone imagines happened. Perhaps she doesn’t see it that way.” Urianger flinches, trying to keep the mental image away. “Maybe it's better you don't know."

They sit in silence for a moment, both of them hesitant to say what they’re thinking. “She thinks herself the instigator?” Urianger interrupts and Thancred shrugs.

“I rescued a boy in Ul’dah once, maybe fifteen summers old, caught stealing food. I could tell something was off about him, the way he jumped out of his skin when anyone came near him. After a lot of inquiry, I found that he was one of many Ala Mhigan kids sold as slaves. When the man who owned him was arrested, the kid was a mess, apologizing and insisting that he was culpable, that he had seduced the man.” Thancred frowns at the memory but shakes his head. “Perhaps Alisaie blames herself.”

Urianger nods solemnly and exits before Thancred’s assumptions could get any darker. He heads towards Alisaie’s room, trying to draft his thoughts into something concise.

When he knocks, she opens the door wobbly but immediately. Her eyes are puffy and her hair down, but otherwise she seems relatively composed, so he lets himself in.

“I apologize for how I've been acting.” She starts, and he shakes his head.

“Tell me the truth.” He looks into her eyes, and she quickly evades him. He puts his arm around her waist and pulls her in. “Even if it hurts me. I can handle it.” She sighs and pushes him away before taking a seat on her old bed.

She tells him everything, sparing no brutal detail from Quintus's hand around her neck to her hand around him as he confessed his love to her and met his untimely end.

He’s not sure how to interpret what she’s telling him. On the one hand, he has many more questions than he has answers. If the Legatus was merely playing with her mind, why would he tell her Hien’s location and that he knew her identity? If she alone was pulling strings, why were her feelings so conflicted? Maybe they had both succeeded in their goal of deluding each other while falling victim to the other’s attempts to do the same. He could theorize for the rest of his life and likely never be fully satisfied with his conclusion.

But that is less important now. Alisaie is very much real and not a theory, and her soul laid bare for Urianger to accept or condemn. She anxiously awaits his response, eyes watering. He sits down next to her and wraps his arms around her. He smells her hair and feels her between his arms and hears her sniffling and he is brought immediately back to reality. “Do you hate me?” She asks, her voice broken.

“No.” He only wishes that she could let go of the guilt, but knows from experience that it isn’t quite that easy.

“I never-“ She hiccups, “never felt the same for him that he claims he felt for me. Definitely not the same that I feel for you.”

“I know.” He strokes her shoulder through the fabric of her shirt.

“Yugiri doesn’t believe me. I can tell. Lyse might not either.” She nuzzles against him and babbles. “But neither of them know about you and me.” He senses that she's explaining it to herself rather than him, but he nods anyway. “I can’t expect you to forgive me for the intimacy I shared with him. I wish I could tell you it meant nothing, but I would be lying. I was terrified, and even though he was the reason, he was also my only comfort.” She sniffles, “While I will always be thankful that you were my first, If you want nothing to do with me from this point forward, I would understand.”

“Nonsense.” He hugs her tighter, and she relaxes. “’Tis hardly fair that I fault thee for being so easy to love.”

“But I-“

“I cannot claim that I would have done things any differently. Thou hast forgiven me for much worse.”

“You were saving an entire world.” She shakes her head.

“And what of Doma?” He reminds her, and she holds her breath. “Because of thy actions, Garlemald yet again has lost its grasp on the east.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Quintus van Elerius may have been a man, but he was also the Legatus of an imperial legion. Thy feelings for him art glamouring memories to imply they were aught but acts of war.”

“I didn’t kill him because he was threatening Doma.” She confesses, “I killed him because I was upset he lied to me. I fully intended to let him live had he not played with my feelings.”

He frowns at this, not out of jealousy but out of sympathy. “No one expected thee to take a man’s life without first exhausting all other options. Thy compassion is not a fault.”

“Compassion.” She chuckles at that. “That’s not a word I'd ever expect to hear describing me. Spiteful, perhaps. Maybe impulsive.”

“If thou had been calculating rather than compassionate, I might have mistaken thee for Alphinaud.” He takes her hand into his, “And I did not fall in love with Alphinaud.”

“I suppose.” She laughs at that before pulling away, yawning. “I missed you and your voice of reason."

“’Tis what I'm here for.” She leans against him in sudden exhaustion, the alcohol finally wearing off and starting to transition into sleepiness. “That, and carrying my lady to her actual bed.”

She doesn’t resist when he picks her up and quickly makes herself comfortable when he gently sets her down on their bed. Urianger sits and watches her sleep for a while, her peacefulness a welcome distraction from the tearful conversation they only just finished.

After a few moments her eyes pop open, and she pats the bed, inviting him to join her. He can’t resist. She drapes herself across him and rests her head on his chest, sighing in contentment, and he thinks she might be able to recover from all this. Maybe even forgive herself.

But in the meantime, he’s just glad she’s here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me through this story, it was sometimes painful to write, but once I got the idea in my head I couldn't stop myself. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


End file.
